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A gentleman and a mentor

Thank you to friend and former colleague Julia for sharing this long-ago photo of some of the newspaper staff that Fred Petri worked with.

A gentleman named Fred Petri died this month. He was 93, a husband of 67 years, father of three, grandfather of another three.

Fred was also my first professional editor. I got three college credits for the work I did as an intern at a small but fierce newspaper in what was then largely rural South Jersey. Among Fred’s responsibilities was choosing assignments for me and the other interns and then editing the stories we turned in.

During his first meeting with the handful of students lucky enough to score internships for that quarter, he set the tone: “This is a newsroom and we’re casual here. I’m Fred, not Mr. Petri.” I was 21 and Fred was probably not quite 50. I thought he was a geezer far removed from my ’60s-inspired passion for truth and justice, and my innate love for storytelling and chasing action. He was soft-spoken, forever outfitted in creased slacks and a dress shirt. I tripped over “Fred” the first few times but eventually got used to calling him by his first name. To all of us in that smoky, undisciplined newsroom, he was simply Fred.

On the first day of my internship, Fred walked over to the corner where I sat hoping no one would notice me. “I’ve got a story for you, Claire. We need a feature on this pastor who just came back from leading a trip to Israel. It would be a phone interview,” he said. Given the pace of media today, my work that day seems quaint now. I called the pastor from a rotary-dial telephone. I asked him some questions and wrote a story with the most predictable lede possible: “From a trip that spanned xxxx miles and included this site and that site, Pastor John Doe’s most memorable moment was blah, blah, blah.” I handed Fred my story, typed on fuzzy copy paper. A few minutes later, he came back to my corner. “Your story’s fine,” he said. “It will run on the religion page the day after tomorrow.” My relief at not having botched the job overshadowed the excitement over my first byline beyond the college weekly.

I left the newsroom for a few months then returned as a full-fledged reporter. The news staff was excitable, responding to the police scanner like kids to the sound of an ice cream truck. We chased cops and criminals, elected officials and eccentric businesspeople under the eyes of editors who cajoled and coached, swore and smoked through deadline. We played vicious tricks on a couple of disliked editors just because it amused us.

The unflappable man amid all this twitchy energy was Fred.

When we pushed back the deadline to make frantic phone calls for information about the suspicious death of a local person out of state, Fred sat calmly at his desk, waiting to edit the story and write the front-page headline. When some disaster happened in the back shop, Fred rose and strode out of the newsroom to settle it, managing to remain on good terms with everyone involved. When the reporters threw a toga party, ala Animal House, and danced our way to his house in the dark on a warm summer night, he came out to talk to us as if facing a dozen inebriated young co-workers, wrapped in sheets and stumbling on the sidewalk at 10 p.m., was routine.

I graduated from that paper and moved on to a larger one. Then I went over the wall to public relations, landing in higher education. The various superiors I had at those jobs over the years were fodder for countless tales: the many who led me and the one who lied to me, the special group that inspired me and the precious few who conspired with me, the handful who seemed lost and the one I will always call “The Boss.”

But there was only one island of gentlemanly calm in a storm of Woodward-and-Bernstein-fueled 20-somethings. Only one whose wisdom, basic decency and old-world demeanor was the necessary counter to a cauldron of youthful enthusiasm ready to upend the world order as we knew it. Only one who settled the jitters of a first-timer with, “It’s fine.”

Rest in peace, Mr. Petri.

I mean – Fred.

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This is why I run

When I took up distance running four years ago, I noticed something that set my new sport apart from others I’d enjoyed over the years: People love to tell me how much they hate it. 

No one has ever told me they hate swimming. Or hiking. Or horseback riding. But mention going for a run and it starts. “Oh, I hate running.” “How can that be fun?” “You ran how many  miles? I can’t imagine that. I hate it.”

OK, fine. Feel free to hate it. But let me tell you what happened one day last week. 

Many of my running friends had signed up for races that were eventually cancelled and made “virtual” because of COVID-19. Among them were the Marine Corps Marathon (MCM) and 10K, the Wineglass Marathon and the Flower City Half Marathon. We all miss the adrenaline-pumping fun of race day – even those of us who finish at the back of the pack. So we decided to make an event of these virtual races.

Our friend Tammy, whose enthusiasm and logistical prowess made her the unofficial race director, gathered 20 runners at Onondaga Lake Park and made it look like something was happening. Tammy planned our route, and made medals, bibs and banners. A core group of us brought food and helped with set-up. Friends and family members showed up. A trumpeter played the Star Spangled Banner. Retired Marines honored us by giving out medals at the homemade finish line.

It was chilly and rainy at 8:15 a.m. when we took off and ran through a couple of developments and some village streets. As we were running different distances, some did the route once, some twice and the three marathoners did it four times. As always, there was complaining and comaraderie, aches and achievements. Friends were scattered along the course, cheering and supporting us with water stops. We were having a great time. Under any circumstances, that would have been more than enough. 

I finished my 13.1 miles and joined the small crowd at the park waiting for our marathoners. We celebrated Tammy’s PR and watched for Grant. A group of us who have run endless miles with Grant planned to join him and run the last quarter-mile of his MCM with him. 

For reasons of his own, the MCM is special to Grant. He has now run it five times. One of the most compelling features of the MCM is the “Blue Mile” where photos of fallen service members are displayed. Running through it on race day is a powerful, emotional experience. This year, Grant somehow arranged for such photos to line the final quarter-mile of our route. When he reached us, seven runners fell in behind him and his pacer, cheering and expecting a joyous finish. 

Grant had other plans. When he reached the first photo, he pulled off his baseball cap, held it over his heart and said, “I’m going to walk this.” He never took his eyes off the photos of the fallen heroes. We followed his lead, walking in silence, some of us blinking back tears as we passed the photos of dozens of deceased service members. Included in the photo lineup was a 23-year-old Marine from our county who was killed by an IED in Afghanistan in 2011.

Grant finished. Our final runner came in. We cheered. We cleaned up, toasted and went home.

When I look back on that day, it won’t be the one-foot-in-front-of-the-other miles that stand out. It will be that moment of solidarity, respect and friendship. I’ll recall the laughter and confidences we shared while running hundreds of training miles together. I’ll think of the friends and family who took pictures, brought hot coffee and showed up in Halloween costumes to make us laugh on our virtual race day. 

That’s why I run. That’s why I love it. That’s how I know what you’re missing when you tell me you hate it.

*Thanks to our friend Monica for the photo.

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Do you wanna dance? We do!

The centerpiece of my weekly entertainment schedule is a couple dozen squares on a 13-inch laptop screen. If it’s Saturday night, it’s time for the Social Distance Social.

Ed and I are regulars at the Social, an online dance party organized by our son Pat from his home in Seattle. It’s part technology and a bigger part heart with a trademarkable name. It’s our kind-hearted son’s gift to people he loves, a way to build the sense of community that feeds his well-being. And it is joy.

Screen Shot invitation

When Pat clicks us into the “meeting,” I scan the squares in a private roll call: Pat and his partner, Dana, are there, of course, as are her parents across the county from us, and her sister, under the stars somewhere out West. I check for our daughter with her boyfriend in Syracuse. I find our younger son at his place in Cortland.

My extended family grabs this opportunity to connect; more than a dozen of them from toddlers to seniors appear from six states and two New York City boroughs. Some dance solo with abandon, others gently bop their heads in time to the music and smile wryly. It doesn’t matter. They are there.

The young women who grew up across the street from us sign in from apartments in Philadelphia and Queens. I might see their parents at their new home in Delaware. This week, my music-loving college roommate joins from Richmond, Virginia, meeting my adult children for the first time. Friends in our small Central New York town show up.

Many of the people in the little squares are young adults I have not yet met, 20- and 30-somethings who see the value of facing a challenge with a dance party. As they have since they were children, this generation gives me hope.

Screen Shot crowd

The format is the same each week as the cast of characters and playlist vary. We start with a jumble of giddy hellos as people click in, then Pat’s gentle attempt to corral us into a countdown to launching the music. For a half-hour, there is no lockdown, no virus, no stress. Just a lot of people embracing silliness, the joy of movement and each other’s spirits.

I feel hip when I know one of the Millennial-favored tunes and joyful when Pat queues up something Boomer appropriate. When Springsteen rocks into Dancing in the Dark, and I jump up and down with my hands in the air as Pat knew I would, I see him check his monitor and point at me. Yup, “there’s somethin’ happenin’ somewhere,” and tonight it’s in kitchens and living rooms all over the country.

But it stops abruptly, as happens in free Zoom meetings. No warning. No slowdown. It’s over. We’re all alone again.

Until next time.

April 13, 2020

 

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Epitaph Edit

Since I was a teenager, I thought I wanted one simple phrase as my epitaph: “Bold, Brave and Undaunted.”

It’s a recurring line in my family’s anthem, an Irish song called Brennan on the Moor that tells the tale of a beloved outlaw, Willie Brennan. Willie “commenced his wild career” in the early 19th century, supposedly dedicating himself to protecting the poor from the horrors they suffered at the hands of the well-to-do. The Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem recorded the song in the early 1960s, and its thundering guitar intro never fails to get me dancing in March.

This March, of course, is different: no toasting in bars, no parades, no communal celebration of St. Patrick’s Day marking the coming of spring in wintry Central New York. Instead, we huddle at home, finding projects to keep us busy, connecting electronically with loved ones and watching the best of Netflix.image

Maybe we watch the news, where we see the story of a disaster Willie Brennan never imagined. A virus erupts from a market and blankets the globe, isolating us from one another as we ask questions that have no answers. 

And if we watch the news we see him: the sneering, lying narcissist who, courtesy of the Electoral College and continuous boot-licking of the Republican party, is supposed to lead this country’s response. The one who disassembled the country’s pandemic response team. The one who ignored warnings about the seriousness of this threat. The one who called it a hoax until he suddenly told us he knew all along it was a pandemic.

It takes me back to Election Day 2016, when I backed into a corner of the couch with a blanket pulled up over my cheekbones, trying to hide from what I thought could never happen. Enough people in this country had chosen to ignore his grifting and greed, his financial failures, his mocking of the disabled and his vile comments about women. This was a person they thought worthy to honor with the highest office we can offer. 

I lost faith that night, feeling utterly disconnected from Americans who could observe the behavior of this petty, dishonest buffoon and think he deserved anything other than to be kicked to the curb. Since then, I’ve donated to candidates of my choice, protested at rallies and marches, and repeatedly shared my worries with my representative in Congress, but I continued to fear that this country was lost on Nov. 8, 2016. 

I hope I was wrong. There’s a lot I don’t know in the face of this disastrous pandemic. But one thing’s for certain. I’ve changed the plan for my epitaph. Instead of “Bold, Brave and Undaunted,” let it read: SHE DIDN’T VOTE FOR DONALD TRUMP. 

March 22, 2020

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Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

I can see you shaking your head – that quick left-right-left-right, that slight tilt toward your right shoulder. And I hear the rapid-fire “tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.” You’d have some colorful things to say if you were watching all this. But if I were within earshot, your language would be no stronger than, “Damn fools!” 

You always knew what you were talking about. 

You did like to talk, and you were a great storyteller. But there were some things you never told me and my brothers when we were kids. It took nearly 50 years for you to open up about serving with the Navy in the South Pacific. You spoke proudly of a job that was done and a wartime duty that was served. I heard about treasured friends, admired leaders and a family that was dearly missed as they prayed for your safe return. You liked to tell me about the beautiful auburn-haired girl who waited for you to come home. You said I was just like her.

In all the years that passed, you never asked for thanks. You didn’t talk about the money you could have made had you not served. You didn’t complain about a lack of praise for risking your life. You just got on with it. You got married, had a career, raised three kids. You did what had to be done, and you had little patience for those who didn’t. 

That brings me to the head shaking. If you’re watching your beloved country now, you see supposed leaders weighing which is more important: markets or human lives? You see the lieutenant governor of one of our largest states suggesting grandparents should be willing to sacrifice themselves in exchange for a healthy economy. The Dow Jones Industrial Average was not the reason you spent three years on a destroyer called the USS Thatcher. You always knew there were some things more important than account balances.

You made that point when my first car needed an expensive repair that would wipe out my meager savings. “I know it’s painful,” you said. “But at least they’re only asking for money. It’s not like they want your firstborn.” That was 10 years before I had a firstborn, but your point was well taken.

 Ed and I were deep into some dark humor this gloomy morning, noting we don’t have the option of throwing your generation under the coronavirus bus for the sake of our stock portfolio. It’s too late for that. 

But we could use your wit and wisdom now. It would be worth more to me than my retirement account.

March 24, 2020

Claire Brennan Dunn